Soak 200 kilos of mussels overnight in the inflatable pool.
Release some bridesmaids to peel 3,491 cloves of garlic.
Scrape 400 yolks from their eggshell.
Sauté the garlic in one giant clam or in 450 pans until lightly brown.
Add the mussels and cook until semblance of cookdom is achieved.
Boil the pasta à la soubise.  Drain.
Shovel all ingredients into the air-dried pool. Mix.
Serve in paper plates.

Feeds 800 guests, 20 uninvited cats, 1 television set.
Preparation time: 10-24 hours, depending on the ball game.
Plastic-fork sharing: 3 per person.
Garbage amount: 6,479 lbs (drunk relatives not included).